These days during a pandemic having a good day can seem challenging. There is so much suffering in the world. We are reminded of it daily, in the news, on social media. Even if we choose not to engage with those things, friends, family, TV commercials and trips to the grocery store will remind us that this is not life as we’ve known it. There has undoubtedly been a big shift. We have had to change the ways we interact with one another.
When I connect with my loved ones over video or the phone and ask how they are feeling, there seems to be one of four responses:
A “We’re good, everything is fine.”
B “This whole thing is fake, I’m not following the guidelines”
C “Did you hear the latest bad news?”
D “Did you hear the latest joke?”
Rarely do I get a response to my question. How are you FEELING? You know, happy, sad, frightened, angry, grateful, disgusted, hopeless, content.
I am a sensitive person. I feel deeply. I wouldn’t have necessarily described myself that way a few years ago. I was taught as a child, like so many of us, that all of my emotions were not welcome to be expressed. I was allowed to express kind of happy, slightly sad, and…. I guess that’s about it.
I was taught to “look on the bright side,” “cheer up,” “put on a happy face,” “Don’t cry out loud, just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings.” (Really, Melissa Manchester?) I used to cover up fear, sadness, and anger with a little humor. I learned to stuff my so called ‘negative’ emotions down, even numb them with TV, technology, work, alcohol, carbs.
I recently have learned to have a better relationship with my emotions. I express them. Sometimes not on the spot, sometimes I wait ’til I have some time to fully sit with them in privacy. I punch pillows, cry, I tell people off (in my mind), I dance, laugh, shake in fear, the whole 9. It is so freeing to express emotion. It lightens the load. I learned that when I express my feelings in this manner, they sort of move on through and don’t come to stay for months or years like when I suppress them. Also that I can jump from feeling to feeling at will (advanced practice), so they aren’t really ‘real.’ I don’t even think of emotions as good or bad anymore. You just feel what you feel. I try to look more at getting to the bottom of why I’m being to triggered to feel them. Expressing emotion frees up so much energy that I can use for better things, like great sex. (Just saying)
This might sound abnormal, but I think stuffing your feelings for 49 years is abnormal. Letting everything fester inside until one day you develop some godawful disease with a grim diagnosis. A wise woman once said to me “no one ever died of a feeling.” I would add-you might actually die prematurely by pushing that shit down for a lifetime.
Better Out Than In is my motto.
If you are interested in discovering how coaching with me can help you develop a better relationship with your feelings, please book a Free Discovery call here.