Aaahhh! The promise of a romantic getaway!
Sometimes getaways end up being beautiful, romantic and satisfying. You feel relaxed, deeply connected with your partner, you get to spend lots of quality time with one another undistracted by all of life’s pressures.
You may remember clearly why you fell in love with this person while all of their best qualities are on display on this amazing vacay and you may feel super attracted to them. Oftentimes, we come crashing back to reality from our natural high once we return to our day-to-day overly busy and stressful lives.
Other times, we might look forward to a romantic weekend or getaway which we were hoping would rekindle the passion in our relationship, only to find ourselves sorely disappointed. We may feel like our partner put in too little effort or doesn’t even care. We may end up having bad or even worse no sex. We may get into an argument or constantly bicker with our partner. They may have a different idea about the vacation altogether and choose to engage in a bunch of seriously unromantic activities, get so inebriated that sexy time suffers.
If your relationship has survived a not-so-romantic getaway, congratulations. Many of us have been there, I certainly have.
Why do romantic getaways fail?
We can sometimes place unrealistic expectations on romantic time with a partner. We may set ourselves up for failure by failing to clearly communicate our expectations to them. We may figure that they should just magically know that we want to be romanced and what we consider romantic. If we expect them to ignore their phone, not play video games, leave their work at home, not turn on the TV, eat light enough meals and stay sober enough to be able to have sex after dinner each night, then wouldn’t it be fair if they knew that?
They may have a very different idea about a getaway. They may want to stay up late and party, watch a bunch of sports, go to bed early and sleep in, or experience some sort of adventure in which you have no interest.
Everyone’s idea of what is romantic is different. The idea of romance even makes some people want to gag. We somehow believe that our idea of romance is “right,” but it’s not true. We may think planning a bunch of activities together is romantic, our partner may want to just veg out together or be naked in bed all day.
People often plan romantic getaways to make up for all of the romance they feel they are missing in their every day lives, their romantic disappointments from the past, all the romance they believed they have missed. That’s a tall order for a vacation.
We might compare our relationship to fairy tales, romantic movies, our friends stories, what we’ve seen on social media. This is a setup for failure. Much of what we’ve learned about romance is pure fiction. Even if the people are real, we only see what they want us to see.
When we compare our experiences to the idea in our heads of what romance is supposed to be like or believe that a getaway will solve the ongoing challenges in our intimate relationship, we are bound to end up disappointed.
Instead you can choose to focus on all the ways your partner expresses love for you, even if they’re not the gushy romance type. You can make specific achievable requests that would satisfy your cravings for more romance. You can infuse more intimacy and romance into your every day life so there isn’t so much pressure during your getaways.
Talk to your partner in advance of your romantic time together about what you are hoping to experience and how much spending time with them means to you. Share with them what things might trigger you or make the experience less enjoyable for you.
Planning intimate experiences and communicating your wishes with your partner doesn’t sound all that romantic, but it is the best insurance you have that you and your partner will be on the same page. Also, learn to really listen to them, get to know what they desire and be open to supporting them. Partnership goes both ways.
The first step in cultivating more intimacy, romance and passion in a relationship, as with any goal, is to set that as your intention and keep taking consistent action toward that end. Take baby steps or giant leaps, it doesn’t really matter. That’s how truly satisfying intimate relationships are built.
If you desire my guidance in creating a fulfilling partnership that exceeds your expectations, I invite you to Book a consultation here.
Much Love ❤️